Conan the Barbarian (2011)

If you are lusting for a movie that is all blood, and gore, then the recent remake of Conan the Barbarian will not disappoint.  The reprised version is packed with all kinds of violent, gruesome and brutal graphic details.

Photo by Simon Varsano – © 2011 - Lionsgate

Conan the Barbarian is an adaptation of Robert E. Howard's sword and sorcery adventures (1932), which depicts the epic tale of a Cimmerian child who witnessed the murder of his father and the massacre of his entire tribe, Cimmeria, by a cruel warlord or King (in the new adaptation).  The sole surviving Cimmerian youth vows for revenge and makes it his life mission to hunt down the perpetrators and execute vengeance on them.

In the new adaptation, baby Conan was born in the midst of war and “suckled on his mother’s blood instead of milk”, hence his thirst for blood and war.  The scene moves on quickly to young Conan exhibiting his barbaric traits by decapitating the heads of cannibalistic natives and defacing one of evil King Khalar Zym’s henchmen by cutting off his nose.

The movie gets bloodier and bloodier by the minute, with lots more amputations, decapitations, slashing, and deliberate blood spills. Don’t expect any real conversation in the movie either. Any conversations that take place are peppered with gnashes of teeth and growls.  A classic example is Conan’s simple declaration to justify his existence: "I live. I love. I slay. I'm content."  Nuff said.

While the movie is a real genius in making you cringe (check out the scene where Conan digs his fingers into the hole where once there was a nose; trust me, not even the most stoic of men can look on without flinching), and it has all the elements of monsters and scary stunts, it lacks the panache of the original Conan that made it so great.

We also give Jason Momoa of “Baywatch Hawaii” fame an ‘A’ for his acting effort. But how do you step into the shoes of a character immortalized by Arnold Schwarzenegger in 1982?

Despite his hunky good looks and smoky piercing eyes, Momoa’s physique (even at 1.93m) just wasn’t adequate enough to fill the screen presence the way Schwarzenegger’s did.

At least he was a great piece of eye-candy (but not the only one) in the movie.  Look out for Rachel Nichols, who played “pure blood” Tamara and the damsel in “distress” as well as the bewitching Rose McGowan (of 'Charmed' fame), who played yet another witchy role as the daughter of evil king Khalar Zym, Marique. 

Directed by Marcus Nispel, the reprised version also stars Stephen Lang (arrogant misguided general in “Avatar”) and Said Taghmaoui.

Without a doubt, this is a movie for those nostalgic of the original version of Conan the Barbarian and definitely a must-have movie for any male-testosterone bonding sessions.

Conan the Barbarian is currently showing at all Golden Village theatres.

Rated R for strong bloody violence, some sexuality and nudity.  Duration of movie: 112 minutes