Salut to our super daddies

This Father's Day, we celebrate the men who willingly and courageously practice active fathering.

While many Singaporean families still honour the traditional roles of mum as the main caregiver and dad as the main breadwinner, we see more dads taking an active role in parenting and caring for their kids. They may have heavy work responsibilities during the day, but once they are home, these dads roll up their sleeves and jump right on to the parenting bandwagon willingly.

Like these families, my husband and I practice shared parenting.  If I have work to do, he’s in charge of the kids.  If he has to travel, I take time off work to be at home.  I’m the disciplinarian in my family, while he takes his role as mediator and jester very seriously. But sometimes, our parenting methods differ.

Take last night as an example.  I wanted to finish work so I could celebrate Father’s Day this weekend, so I asked him to put the kids to bed. They usually read in bed before lights are turned off, so I was expecting some peace and quiet. But within minutes, there was a ruckus of tambourine bells, peals of laughter and loud singing coming from the room.

“What was going on?” I fumed, more mad at my husband than the kids.  He’s supposed to wind themdown, not UP.

I opened the door, all ready to yell, but was stopped short as my two munchkins rushed towards me and words tumbling out of their mouths, gleefully invited me to join them.   They had (with daddy’s help) created a new song and couldn’t wait to present it to me.

My kids exhibited such sheer delight as I watched the trio (father and children) belt out the silliest song about chicken rice being their favourite food; their gusto and laughter were infectious.  It may be bedtime, but the kids were having fun with dad.  My earlier grudges were replaced with gratefulness that their father could create special moments like these for the kids in spite of his busy and sometimes stressful work schedule.

And I’m not alone in my gratitude.  Read what some of our readers feel about their super daddies:

Joanna Tan says: My hubby Shawn & our 25 months old Boy. Shawn is more like his friend than father. He will go down to Nigel’s level and interact with him. For example, he will play “basketball” with him. He is also the soul of Nigel’s Fave toy, Mr Monkey. So the 2 of them are Best Buddies! Always the one Nigel runs to when I scold him. Shawn will make sure he will spare time for Nigel almost everyday to have at least 1/2 hour playtime to Bond. He is the one in charge of his night feeds till now still, as Nigel still needs night feeds.

Grace Miranda says: My husband is, maybe for me, an ideal dad to my kids. My niece told me more than 18 yrs ago that when she gets married, she will look for a guy like my husband or maybe he will grab him from me. Now my daughter is saying the same thing, she will find a man who is like his dad, who can carry himself well physically, emotionally and spiritually. She said when I get angry with her she gets upset at times, BUT when dad gets disappointed she just feel like “super-guilty”. Because he will talk to her in a very soft-manner and will not tell her that she is bad or what, but will talk to her in a very positive way. He is always there for them and mostly they can see that their dad loves their mom.

Joann Hernandez says: My husband is a very patient and loving dad. He takes care of my gals when he isn’t working. Before we all go to bed he will send my kids to brush their teeth and change to pyjamas. Even in the middle of the night he will bring them to the toilet when the kids need to pee. But the most touching of all is when the kids are sick, he is the one who wakes up at night to feed their medicine.

Happy Father’s Day to all the daddies out there!

This post first appeared in theAsianparent.com where Meiling is the editor. It was also re-posted in Shawn & Jo's Little Nigel blogspot.

Missing Daddy

After a week of sprained neck, computer malfunctions and car trouble, Meiling is glad to have her husband home again.

My husband left me last week for an 8-day business trip. While it is not the first time he has been away, it is the first time he will be away over 2 weekends, leaving me with 2 kids, a house and a host of general activities to manage. I decided to start my “Single” parenthood off in a relaxing manner.

He left early on Sunday morning, before the kids or the sun was up. I went back to bed and by the time I woke up, it was mid-morning. My kids and I decided to spend a nice Sunday swimming and having lunch by our condominium pool. The water was cold but the kids didn’t mind. We swam to warm up our bodies. I was lulled into a dreamy holiday mood with the sun on my face and the kids in the background. After lunch, the kids returned to the pool and were splashing around in sibling harmony. All was good.

Suddenly, an urgent call: “Mommy, mommy! I can’t move my neck!”

What?! I was instantly tossed out of my dream state. Like most 6-year-old boys, my son has a talent for getting into situations that challenge me to manage my own state. In this case, not to panic when I saw his head bent perpendicular to his body.

Luckily, we have a neighbour who is a paediatrician. She recommended that we consult a doctor immediately and get an X-ray just in case. The doctor we saw was extremely nice and gentle to my poor son who was wincing in pain, but keeping up a brave front. After spending the entire afternoon at the hospital emergency, my son was pronounced to have a minor sprain in the neck, but good to go home. He was very relieved his initial fear that he would become a “freak” was unfounded and very excited to show off his new neck brace to his friends and sister.

That, was day 1.

Even the technology conspires against me.

Day 2. I’m working from home to monitor my son’s neck and ensure he doesn’t get into more “trouble” – they can’t be still even with a sprain neck, can they? And of course, this is the week that my computer and printer decide to kick the bucket. I could not print anything on or offline. My wifi keeps getting disconnected and each time I upload something, it either erases or takes forever.

Usually when I encounter a technological glitch, I yelled for my husband to fix it. But of course, he is not around this week.

My husband takes my daughter to school every morning. It is their ritual. With him gone, that task fell on me. On the morning of day 4 that my husband was away, the car engine sounded funny. Hmmm, I thought, better get my husband to look at it when he’s back. Fortunately, my daughter’s school was only a few minutes’ drive from the house. I dropped her off, came back to the car, and the blasted engine wouldn’t start!!

I still had to drop my son to school, and go to work after that. What the *&%$P!!! Should I call AA (Automobile Association of Singapore)? What does one do in such situations? I should have paid more attention when my husband was instructing me on all this ‘stuff’.

After several desperate SMSes, and waking my husband (who is in a different time zone) to ask him who I should call, we resolved the situation – the car battery had to be recharged. Duh!!

I promised myself there and then to be a better student when he coaches me on the intricacies of car trouble, technological connections and other matters concerning our home.

Daddy’s coming home today.

My kids have really missed their daddy this week. He does spend a lot of time with them, coaching, playing and tending to their needs. They’ve missed his silliness, and big shoulders to cry on when they have a boo-boo or hide behind when Mom’s angry with them.

Me? I have found new appreciation for my husband’s role in our family unit. Aside from being extremely useful when it comes to the maintenance of the car, IT and electrical parts around the house, he has always been my great rock to lean on during difficult moments in my life. And I have learnt this week not to take his contributions too lightly or for granted.

He is on a plane coming home to us today; landing 10 minutes before the day is over. I am glad my “Single” parenthood has come to an end; that there is someone to share the trials and tribulations of this illustrious profession.

Whether you have anything planned for Valentine’s Day or not, it is still a day to reaffirm your love and commitment to your family unit and to each other.

So to all of you, Happy Valentine’s Day!

And to my husband, it’s good to have you home, babe! Happy Valentine’s Day!

This post first appeared in theAsianparent.com in 2011.

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